You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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