His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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