Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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