I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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