hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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