please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Randomize
