before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
