I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
