Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You're a waste of cheezeits
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
