You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
