And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
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