Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
