filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
