part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
