I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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