You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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