You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
