Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
