So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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