I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
