marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
