i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
