I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
God, I missed his penis.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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