they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
