are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
