I just threw up on my dentist
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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