I skipped work to stalk him.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
