My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I am puke
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
