HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
How does one acquire holy water?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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