You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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