Where is the hickey?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I need a beard to bite.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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