You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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