Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
