Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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