She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize
