Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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