The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
It's like God shit irony all over that family
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
