I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
