i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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