did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
