here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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