really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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