TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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