Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
