No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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