I didn't shave. On purpose
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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