would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
