Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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