I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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