Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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