I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
