don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
